But as You Will
Several weeks ago, the Peace House girls were talking about forgiveness, asking why it’s so hard and why God believes it’s possible for us to let go of our anger and bitterness. Some of the girls seemed very closed to the idea, believing forgiveness may be impossible when you have been wronged in the ways that they have. Beatha was silent during the discussion, and I could see big tears welling up in her eyes. Finally she spoke up, saying that forgiveness is not about whether or not we understand it. And it’s not about whatever unforgivable thing someone did to us. It’s simply about God asking us to do it. Beatha went on to tell of when she had a newborn baby but no place to live. Her few family members said horrible things, refused to help, and left Beatha and her daughter to live on the streets. Her tears during the discussion that day were because of the tension that obedience was creating within her. At the same time that Beatha desperately wanted to obey God by forgiving her family, she also admitted that she was not ready to let go of the anger. She told us it was hurting her to disobey God. Unlike, Beatha I can’t remember that last time I was brokenhearted over my inability to honor God through obedience.
On this Good Friday, the day set aside to reflect on Jesus’ obedience and the forgiveness bestowed on us all because of it, I’m thinking on Beatha’s words. This morning I read in Matthew 26 about Jesus praying in the garden, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” It’s as if in that moment, Jesus gave us a glimpse of his inner turmoil, the same turmoil that Beatha described. Wanting very much to honor God, while at the same time being honest about the difficulty of the task ahead. Jesus chose obedience, and in doing so, made a way for us to be given grace and forgiveness in the midst of our own turmoil.
On Being Good Soil
The girls have been mulling over the parable of The Sower for the past week. They’ve brought the parable back up in conversation almost daily since we read and talked about Matthew 13:3-9 during Bible study one day. Most of the ladies have been around farming at some point, so the analogies that Jesus makes to scattering the seeds among the various soils makes a lot of sense to them. What doesn’t make sense, and is our main topic of conversation, is how to become good soil and produce a crop.
Most of the girls assessed themselves as the soil with the thorns. Some expressed how they wanted to grow and produce fruit, but the responsibilities and hardships of life create worry within them, which chokes out the fruit and eventually leaves them withered. I was impressed with their honesty.
I’ve been asking myself the same question. Which soil am I? Like the girls, I want to be good soil, but if I’m honest, sometimes I find that I’m not. I know because there’s little to no fruit. Verse 8 says good soil “produces a crop - a hundred, sixty, or thirty times what was sown.” Why is it that my crop comes in far too shabby, instead of multiplied as the parable talks about?
Yes, I may be doing good things, and it may appear that I’ve got plants growing, but am I allowing my fruit-growing ability to be choked out? Are roots growing deep in the soil? I’m learning that obedience is the deep-rooted plant that fruit grows from. That understanding leaves me asking myself the toughest question: am I cultivating a relationship with the Lord that includes obedience? If so, He’ll multiply the crop.